Until this past year, most of my life has been planned out in a big-picture way. It has been largely dictated by the school calendar and its breaks and busyness. In April, I freaked out as I graduated, sort of figured out what I would do for the summer, freaked out again because I didn’t know exactly what my fall would look like, got that settled, and now am looking forward to the next season, both calendar-wise and life-wise.
The other night, as I lay in bed thinking about what the next few months of my life may look like, I found myself not being able to come up with much.
“If I could just get part of my life under control,” I thought. “One section, or maybe two, maybe I’d feel a bit more settled.”
If I could just get it under control.
Which is exactly my problem.
I like control. I like plans. I like feeling in the know.
But the ultimate goal of my life should not be to be in control of it.
The exact opposite is true: The ultimate goal of my life should be to completely not be in control of it.
Because God should be in control of it.
It is a hard thing to admit.
It is a terribly, terribly hard thing to implement.
To say, “God, please take control of my life” sounds like the action should be on his part–taking. Really though, the action is on me–the giving of control. Not a one time, carelessly whispered prayer. Daily, hourly, minutely, active giving away of control.
And in the giving of control, I receive as well. Peace. Contentment. Assurance.
I don’t know what this looks like in my own life yet. I don’t believe I will ever truly master, once and for all, the giving control of my life to God. It is a process, and I am in progress.
Til next time…
p.s. What does it look like to give God complete control of your life? Can it be mastered?