I’ve written bits and pieces of many posts over the last week or so, yet none of them have made them here. Some came close, and may appear in the future, but didn’t feel right for right now.
As I’ve been thinking over these posts, I continually found myself thinking in, “What if I…” statements. What if I thought this? What if I did that? What if I went there?
At their core, many of the statements that came to mind had to do with what kind of a person I am. Or, more accurately, what type of person I’m becoming.
Becoming. There’s something hopeful about the word, like a promise of what will be, is going to be, but isn’t quite yet. Glimmers may be there, but not the whole.
It applies so well to people, and feels to especially fit me right now. No human being is ever fully complete while they’re still alive, of course, but I feel like my life could still snake off in so many different directions. So many different pieces could go so many different ways, and even though some of them seem to be solidifying right now, the truth is that they’re still quite fluid.
Sometimes I run the risk of getting too caught up in the particulars, the nitty gritty, the teeny tiny details. They certainly add up and play in a part in who I am becoming, but it’s not an equation of what I did here and said there equals who I will be five years from now. There are so many parts of who I am and who I will be, with so many variables that are unknowable right now.
And I think that’s why none of the posts I tried to write worked–they tried to capture who I am, when really, I don’t entirely know.
I’m beginning to wonder if knowing who I am isn’t so much the point, but instead, appreciating the process of becoming.
Til next time…
p.s. What type of person are you becoming?