It’s a new year, I turn 27 at the end of the month, and I am (still) single. Just as I have been at the beginning of every other year, and heading into every other birthday.
When I was in high school I attended a wedding of people who were 25 or 26, and I remember thinking, “I’ll definitely be married before then.” In the community I grew up in and still live in, marrying young is normal, almost expected even. Younger versions of me were foolish and prideful in many ways, but this–my assumptions about how a relationship would factor into my life–has proven to be the most glaring example.
A while back I read a post by the blogger Leigh Kramer that’s made me reconsider how I approach my life. She wrote, “I began dreaming about what my ideal single life would look like. Taking a future husband out of the equation entirely: what would a happy, whole life look like for me? What would need to be in place for me to feel I’m living my best life?”
Planning out my days and weeks on my Google Calendar has become essential to me, but even the phrase “life plan” nearly makes me ill. I like small bits of time to be planned ahead, but not big expanses of time. Yet as I considered Leigh’s post, I realized I’ve always been resistant to the idea of envisioning or planning for my long-term future in terms of being single. Months ahead, maybe even a year, sure–but to think much beyond that felt like giving up hope of things ever changing. Except when I look at my life, as good and full as it is, but very much lacking any reasonable prospects of marriage in the near future, I have to wonder if it’s more damaging for me to not think of my future in terms of being single. It’s all I’ve ever known, and it might be all I’ll ever know.
I’d be lying if I said that even typing those words wasn’t painful.
But it could be true. It doesn’t mean I’m a failure, or less than, or unworthy. It just means I’m single, and might always be. I can’t plan on my life becoming something it very well might not.
So how do I accept that, or at least as well as I can? How do I continue building a good, full life, even though it’s not the kind of good or the kind of full I imagined?
There are some obvious ones for me–despite my at-times complicated relationship with it, faith is always my utmost priority, even when I don’t do a great job of actually making it a priority. I know I’ll have no business getting married if being with him doesn’t make us both able to better love, serve, and glorify God because we are together than we would if we were apart. A tall order, but an important one.
Then there’s the people. I may not have a someONE, but I do have a lot of someoneS. The ones I share DNA with, and the ones I don’t but who have no less significance in my life just because we don’t find each other on a family tree.
Those two are easy, and while the order of the someones might have to shift a bit should a someone come along, they’d both still be there. But they don’t comprise a whole life. They might be priorities, but there’s a lot of living to do in all the other time.
I have no concrete answers for this yet. Will I learn to be okay if things don’t ever turn out the way I had hoped and imagined and prayed they would? How will I not just get through life, but fully embrace it for what it is?
What does a very good, very single life look like for me?
Til next time…
p.s. What does your vision of the good single life look like?
5 thoughts on “A Very Good, Very Single Life”
Hm. I’m going to have to think about this.
Funny u should ask 😊. I was just telling my 34 y.o single friend (who’s still a virgin and waiting on Jesus) that the life I’m living now is actually the life I would have chosen had I wanted to be single at this age (I’ll be 34 in april). I have several writing outlets, Im a local author, I work using my degree in accounting, I do consulting work on the side, I have an amazing social life and loved ones and I’m at my peak in fashion and beauty (if I do say so myself). Yet and still this is not the life I wanted nor what I would have chosen if Christ had not asked me to lay down my life for Him. My ability to walk out this path is just a testiment to His GRACE. I’ve learned and am learning His seasons in our lives are different than our years. Just because the year changes doesn’t mean the season does. Im grateful that my life is FULL. But it is still DIFFERENT than what I thought it would be and I think its ok to not be too hapoy about that. Blessings!
Good stuff, Brianna. Take it from one who’s 41 and single — if called to do it, you CAN do it. And it can be good. God bless you!
Finding this post has anrsewed my prayers
28 year old single here—I had those very same assumptions about being married by a certain age. Yet the years continue to pass. I do believe that marriage is in His future for me. But now I’m working to do what I believe He’s called me to do now. And if I do end up a married lady, the steps I’m taking now will enrich my marriage and family!