Mostly, I want things quickly. When I get home from work, I’m not thinking about what I can eat that’s perfectly nutritionally balanced and hopefully tasty as well—oh no. I want some dino nuggets I can throw in the microwave and be eating two minutes later.
Waiting is not my forte.
Lately, my life has felt a bit off-kilter. Not in major ways, but in small ones, and in areas I did not expect to feel this way.
This is not my favorite way to feel.
I’d like to make it go away.
Our world is mostly conditioned to fix things, too.
This is good, in a sense—if there’s blood, it likely needs a Band-Aid or perhaps something more serious.
But bruises don’t need Band-Aids. Bruises need time, and that is the hardest thing to give them. It’s why I eat instead of pray, it’s partly why I fill my schedule so full, it’s why I watch TV rather than sit in silence.
Who knows what might happen in the silence?
So I do not want to sit here, in the place where things feel off.
I want to hurry, rush, fix.
Overwhelmingly though, I’m getting the sense God may not have a quick fix in mind. His timing is so different than mine, can be so frustrating and hard to understand. If things feel off, I want them righted, right now.
Except what if I will learn in this off-kilter time can’t be learned any other way?
It’s not an entirely pleasant thought. It might be a true one though.
It feels like God is inviting me to sit.
At church on Sunday, despite a fairly full worship space, I ended up with two empty chairs on either side of me and three empty chairs right in front of me. A wave of loneliness washed over me. I know enough people at my church–I likely could’ve found someone to invite to sit by me, or I could have gone and sat somewhere else, by someone I know. It was what I wanted to do.
But it felt like an oddly fitting scenario to be in. As much as I wanted to rush to make things more the way I wanted them, it occurred to me that maybe God has me right where I am, both in that seat on Sunday and in life right now, for a reason I cannot see.
Maybe that reason is simply, frustratingly, learning to wait.
Or maybe it’s something bigger I’ve yet to see.
Whatever the case may be, I’m trying to sit well.
Til next time…
p.s. Do you ever feel like God has asked you to sit for a while?