I feel like I’ve written about many of the difficulties and complicated feelings I have with being single.
But the problem is, writing about it doesn’t make it stop.
Seasons change, both physically and metaphorically, but just because I’ve been in this particular Season of Singleness before doesn’t make it any less frustrating. Snow makes roads slippery every year–experiencing it before doesn’t make it any less dangerous or annoying or scary.
So most of the words I’d say about singleness today are words I’ve said before.
It can be lonely.
The fight feels disheartening and never-ending.
And I’ve been here before.
Each time I’m here though, the landscape changes slightly. It’s the same feelings, but brought up because of different circumstances or felt in different ways.
I’m no stranger to this restless agitation, this feeling that, while I know a significant other wouldn’t right all that’s wrong in the world, it would at least give me someone to face it with. I know I’m complete without a significant other, I don’t need one to glorify God and to live a good life, but I’m pretty sure I’d like one.
At the core of this feeling, it’s something I think we all feel in one way or another: I want something, something good, that I do not yet have and don’t know if I ever will. The particularities look different for each person, each situation, but the ache that sits at the heart of it–I think we’re all acquainted with that. Sometimes the pain is dull, hardly noticeable, like a bruise that only throbs when it’s brushed. Other times, the pain is acute, forceful, demanding to be noticed and tended to. These moments arise uninvited, often unforeseen, but cannot be simply pushed down. They must be noticed, wrestled with, given time to pass.
Because I do know this too shall pass. The blessing of seasons is that they always change. But winter can still feel a little bleak, even when it’s come before.
Til next time…
p.s. Do you have things you’ve wrestled with before but that keep coming back?