It’s been a little over a year since I graduated from college, and I’ve been meaning to blog about it for a while.
Except, I couldn’t. I thought about it–a lot. Even started formulating what I’d write.
But I couldn’t actually do it.
So I looked back at my posts from a year ago–things I wouldn’t miss about not being in school anymore, a reminder to myself that the years I put into school were not in vain, how much I would miss my college, my frustration at the seeming silence on how much of a change graduated life would be, the mantras I repeated in attempts to calm my nervousness, and my 20,002 feelings about not seeming to have any piece of my life together. Skimming those, it started to make a lot more sense why I haven’t been able to write about it.
Because this post I wanted to write of reflection and wisdom has been a year in the making, but many of the words I wrote a year ago are still true.
There are still moments when I am awash in nostalgia for my college days and the community there, and would give almost anything to go back.
When I look at the student loans I still have to pay off, I have to actively remind myself that there are lessons I couldn’t have learned in any other way, and that I would not be where I am today had I gone a different route.
Sometimes I still get frustrated that, though my education was a good one, there are parts of being an “adult” (I use that term loosely) I’ve felt unprepared for, because there are things that can’t be taught in classrooms.
My life still routinely feels a bit of a mess, like only a very small section of my “life pie” is figured out.
A year has gone by, but it sometimes seems I haven’t moved much at all.
Which is, I think, why I haven’t been able to write this post sooner. I’m a year older, but I don’t know that I’m a year wiser–at least not in the ways I may have expected to be.
There is no magic formula for learning to grow up with absolute grace and skill.
So I guess I am learning to be okay in that. To be okay that life is in the bumbling, the stalling, the frustrating, the ungraceful, the messy; and that there is goodness in those things too.
Til next time…