Recently in church, I found myself with tears in my eyes.
Not tears of sadness, or even necessarily joy.
Tears of acknowledgment. Presence. Nearness.
For a brief moment, a glimpse of God.
Hours later, I was already unsatisfied with that glimpse. Not enough, I thought. I need something, something that more tangible, that sticks with me for longer.
It is not an uncommon cycle, at this point in my life or in times gone by. Life often feels messy, broken, confusing, and God seems silent. I flail my fists in frustration, and am simultaneously irritated and reminded of sayings like, “When God feels far away, guess who moved?”
I’ve somehow come to expect God to burst in through the door, yelling, “I’m here!”, carrying a stack of gifts–giving me the precise things I’ve asked for, with blessings to spare. I look for big things, wait for the sound of a voice telling me exactly what I am supposed to do, and get frustrated when they do not come.
But maybe following God is not about the big things.
Maybe it’s not always FEELING; maybe it’s about KNOWING.
Maybe it’s not about perfectly crafted prayers, but about words of honesty.
Maybe it’s not about always, every second of every day, feeling that God is right there, by your side.
Maybe it’s about the glimpses.
The glimpses of God, cropping up in unexpected places, during songs we have sung time and time before, in verses we have read for years, in the lives of people we have known for decades.
Maybe that’s what following God is about. It’s not that he CAN’T or WON’T act in big ways at times, but I must learn to be content even when he doesn’t.
Perhaps true faith knows that God can move in big ways, but continues to believe, trust, and obey even when he doesn’t.
It looks for glimpses of God in the everyday.
Til next time…