24 hours from now, I will be a college graduate.
I’m still feeling about 20,000 different things about this. While I try to remind myself of the good, of not paying tuition and no more studying for exams and no more dealing with scheduling classes, my college community still has too much of a hold on my heart for me to be able to bask in that goodness just yet. I get tastes of it, but not gulps.
Earlier this week I was offered (and accepted) a part time temporary position at the company I’ve been interning at this past semester–a HUGE blessing, and one I am incredibly thankful for. Still, it did not immediately vanquish all my worries and fears. Not that I entirely expected it to, but it would have been nice.
If I think of my life as a pie (although I’d really rather just eat it than think about it), the part time temp job really only takes care of one sliver of the pie. There are so many other pieces of my life-pie that are still in flux, that I have no control over or maybe not as much as I’d like, that I don’t really understand or don’t know how they’re going to turn out, or pieces that I might like to hold onto but have to give up, that although I am incredibly thankful for this opportunity…it doesn’t solve everything.
Tomorrow night I will still have to say goodbye to people I may literally never see again on this earth, and that will be hard. I am leaving a community that I love and care about deeply, that has been not just a sliver of my life-pie these past 4 years but the majority of it…and that will be an adjustment. Today I moved back home with my parents, with no move-out date on the calendar like I’ve had every other time I moved home…and that will take some getting used to. So though I am thankful for that sliver of pie that is a little more figured out than it used to be, it doesn’t make all the other pieces magically fall in line.
And it still leaves me pretty much just wanting to eat pie.
Til next time…