5 weeks from now, I will be a college graduate.
I find myself in an odd place, where I’ll have the education of an “adult”…yet I’ll be moving home to live with my parents. My only realistic job prospects are those where I’d likely be working alongside high schoolers–coffee shops, retail, and the like. Not entirely bad jobs, but…well, it seems all my hard work should get me more than that.
4 years. Piles of homework and papers, oodles of dollars, sleep lost, hair pulled out, shoulders tensed up with stress…I can’t help but feel just a bit of a sense of entitlement. My resume is in nice shape, I have good grades, I’ve worked numerous jobs that have taught me (what I think are) marketable skills, my internship supervisor seems to like me, my papers will be handed in and tests taken, and yet I am guaranteed nothing from it. We go to college for opportunities, to be qualified for “good” jobs, yet the reality is–it may or may not happen, especially soon after I’m done with school.
I’m quite certain there’s deeper lessons here. Unlike the majority of the world, I have an education–what I think to be a pretty good one. My parents are fine with me moving back with them, mooching shelter, food, and air conditioning from them. Though they may get sick of me at times, I do not envision them turning me out on the street at any point (and certainly not in the near future). At least for the next few months, I’m reasonably certain that I’ll be able to keep my car and phone in working order, and I have a few months after graduation until my student loans will begin breathing down my neck in full force. Physically speaking, I’ll be ok for a while.
But those things are the ones I’m least worried about.
I’m worried about being bored without a job.
About feeling unfulfilled and like I wasted years of my life and gads of money on an education that’s gotten me no fiscal payback.
About the people who will scoff, even if only in their heads, about my Bible and Theology and Communications degrees from a relatively unheard of school.
About feeling like I’m stuck and unable to move beyond college and into “real” adulthood.
These are the fears that cannot be fixed with a working car, a bed in my childhood home, or mom’s tacos in my tummy.
These are the fears that I cannot face on my own.
“…in him all things hold together.” ~Colossians 1:17
All things are held.
My worries and frustrations. Even me. These are held.
Til next time…