Only recently has this idea occurred to me.
It is conceivable that, in some of my relationships, the other person values me more than I value them. They may put more stock in our relationship than I do. If things were to go sour, they would have more to lose.
For me, this idea is nearly inconceivable. I am a rather emotional person, and going along with that, I get attached to people quickly and sometimes rather intensely. It is both a blessing and a curse, my attachment to people.
And so, it has always been my belief, whether phrased (or most often not) that if you could put a relationship on a scale, it would always tilt my way. Not that I necessarily get more out of the relationships, but that I put more stock in them, I value them more, and that they are more important to me.
I don’t really know where I got this idea from. Perhaps it is a natural byproduct of my tendency to invest myself deeply in things, be it relationships, activities, work, etc. It wouldn’t make sense for me to put the effort into these things if they didn’t mean something to me, and I am therefore inclined to believe that I am more invested than others.
But I might be wrong. There are many people who invest themselves deeply, who care and love abundantly, and who may put more value on our relationship than I do.
The thought kind of terrifies me. Is there every any way to KNOW who puts more value on the relationship, and would you even want to? Is it better to assume that the scale is equally weighted? And what if you’re on the up side of the scale? Is it unfair to the other person who puts more value on the relationship?
Thing is, when you have less invested in a relationship, it’s much easier to hurt the other person without even knowing you’re doing it. By not being what they hope you to be, they get hurt. Maybe they won’t even tell you.
So, where does that leave me? I can hope that my relationships are equally weighted, that I mean just as much to the other person as they do to me, but I know this to be false at least some of the time. I guess all any of us can do is simply…our best. To care and love deeply, to avoid hurting others as much as possible, and hope it all turns out ok.
Til next time…