Talking is something I do quite a lot of, and, I like to think, fairly well. On those “get to know you” surveys where they ask you to list hobbies, I’ve been known to put “talking” amongst mine.
The other side of talking is, of course, listening. Seeing as I can’t really listen to myself as I would other people, I can’t give a totally unbiased opinion of my listening skills. I know they’re not tops, but I also know the value of being listened to and therefore try to do my best. It can be tricky to know when to just listen and when (or if) to interject.
Yet there’s another type of listening that I am quite horrible at. I’ve always been told that prayer is a conversation, meaning I’m supposed to talk to God and then listen for his response. The talking to him part I do, although not real well, but the listening thing is almost like a foreign concept.
I know it’s supposed to happen.
I just don’t really know what it’s supposed to be LIKE.
Because he doesn’t usually speak in an audible voice. (not to say that he can’t) I’ve been told that it’s often more of nudging, whispering, feeling. But I really don’t know how to tell if it’s him, or just my crazy brain.
I’ve asked for answers, signs to tell me what to do or if what I’m doing is right, and they don’t seem to come. At least, not in any form that I recognize.
What if his answer is just to…wait? To keep on sitting, slightly anxious, not making any big moves. Hoping that something will happen, in one direction or the other.
I don’t really know if I can handle that.
What if the best action really is…no action? It’s the conclusion I’ve sort of arrived at, but without really knowing if it’s the correct one. So I suppose I must learn to listen better, to discern what is him, and what is me.
And maybe wait some more.
Til next time…