General Contemplation

The school year is coming to a close, and I can’t help but think about next year. In just over a year I will be a college graduate (assuming nothing drastically out of the plan happens). Whoa. It’s a fairly terrifying thought. Up until this point, my life has been controlled by the school year calendar. When I think about years they go from August to May. New Years has never been a huge deal to me because it was simply another holiday on my Christmas break, and I knew that a few days after it I would have to return to school. After next May though, my life will be dictated my the calendar non-school people use, and New Years will hold a little more meaning for me. I will (hopefully) get a real job with benefits and vacation days and maybe an office. Scary thoughts.

This past school year alone has had enough changes for me. I’ve mentioned this before on here and I’m sure I’ll mention it again, because it doesn’t change that I am awful at change. It’s just not my thing. So when I think of how well I handled the changes this year brought, (which was not very well at all for the most part) I shudder to think about what I will be like next year at this time. Probably a complete mess.

Now I KNOW that “God works everything for my good” and all of that. But knowing something and feeling something are 2 different things. I pretty much don’t like to think about what happens next year at this time, cause it scares me to pieces. There’s a pretty decent chance I won’t find a job for a while after I graduate, or maybe I’ll find a job in another state and move away from my family and friends and everything that I know here…terrifying.

But really, what’s the use in worrying about it now? I shouldn’t, of course, but at times I can’t seem to help myself. Granted, right now I should be studying for my exams and working on a big giant nasty project and instead I’m writing this post. Seems like it would be more logical to worry about what’s right in front of me, but I don’t tend to always be logical, so here we are.

Hmm. This post is a bit of a mess. Thanks for slogging through. You’re a trooper. =) I’ll try to do better next time.

Til next time…


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